by Janelle Holden
I’m currently reading “The Disease To Please” by Harriet B. Braiker and it’s been an eye-opener.
I’m learning that I’m a recovering approval addict, which means that setting boundaries in my work life has most often been challenging for me.
Want me to work on the weekends? No problem. Answer your email at midnight? Absolutely! Can’t pay me in full? That’s okay, I can wait.
The best I ever did at setting boundaries was when I took a new job after a total adrenal burnout, and I literally couldn’t work at the same pace I was used to, so I said internally, “I’m only working office hours, and if I have to work a weekend I will take a day off during the week to compensate.”
Not only that, but I told everyone in the office I only checked email (and responded) twice a day, and if something was truly an emergency they could ring my cell phone to reach me.
I was firm. I got my work done during normal hours. I never worked late, and people asked me all the time how I was so efficient and organized.
For two years, I thought I had recovered, and then I started my own business, and I worked like a dog trying to keep up with my marketing and my clients (which led to burnout again), can you see the pattern here?
Since starting over, I’m noticing how easy it is for me to try to please my clients, customers, and team, versus really setting strong boundaries and sticking to them.
Most recently, I’ve had a string of experiences where I haven’t been paid the sales commissions I expected, nor was I paid on time. And it made me angry, very angry.
My mind and body coach (she’s awesome) tells me that anger shows up when we need to set stronger boundaries because something has been violated. It’s also coming up when we are tolerating the intolerable.
In business, a mentor of mine said you only get what you tolerate, and he was right. So, the way to set your boundaries in business is to KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, your rules. What you won’t tolerate, and what you will.
Here are mine.
- I won’t tolerate being paid late or incorrectly (by a company or an individual).
- I won’t tolerate tardiness (I end calls at 5 min. after if the person is late).
- I won’t tolerate rudeness or disrespect (this includes people hopping on the phone with me when they should really be driving, parenting, or doing something else).
- I won’t take calls on weekends or answer client emails.
- I won’t take calls before 9 a.m. because I’m not at my best.
- I won’t tolerate being unprepared. I prepare for every meeting (so should you).
- I won’t tolerate taking on too much and saying yes to everything.
So, how about you? What won’t you tolerate anymore? Leave a comment with your best boundary setting tip so that all of us can learn from your experience.
Janelle Holden is an online business strategist who tolerates only the best people, clients, projects, and friends in her life. You can have a free chat with Janelle by clicking here (but make sure you’re on time).